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Fear, Distance, and Suspicion

There are hurts that come from injury, and then there are hurts that come from the quiet in between words. After the fall, something shifted — not just in my body, but between us. He was there. Physically present. Moving through days beside me. But emotionally… he felt further and further away, like someone slowly fading into fog. At first, I told myself it was stress. Life. Timing. Anything but distance. I tried to stay calm. Logical. Reasonable. But pain has a way of making everything louder. Every silence. Every missed check-in. Every moment where I needed warmth and got coolness instead. I started reaching for reassurance, not because I wanted control — but because I wanted us . I needed to feel secure. Held. Chosen. Loved without conditions or limits or scoreboard. Instead, I felt like I was knocking on a door I used to have a key to. And when the answers didn’t come… my mind went searching for them. Not because I wanted to catch him doing anything. Go...
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How He Says He’s Sorry Without Words

I knew he’d want to eat kibbeh, so when he got home, I asked what I could do - wash vegetables, get out the kibbeh, etc. He told me, “no, I’ve got it”. He’s asked me to stop questioning when he says those words, so I busied myself with putting away clean dishes. He made everything, down to our drinks.


We sat and ate and even chatted a bit. He did pull out his phone, but had it at a dull roar so we could still talk some. Later, I thought he turned it up because I was “talking too much”, but it was because it was a true crime episode, and he knows I enjoy listening to those too.


When we finished dinner and our drinks, I complained that he always goes up to bed and leaves me to take care of everything by myself. It really was a terrible whine, as he DID cook dinner. Mostly, I just wanted him to hang out while I took care of things. Sometimes he’s asleep before I get upstairs and that makes me feel sad, because then I don’t get my hug, kiss, and “I Love You” before bed. Lo and behold, he stayed and even helped me clean up a little. This was not the man from the night before.


We went up to bed together, cuddled, and went to sleep happy.

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